Dear Dr Romance,
I have been reading your article The Fine Art of Squirrel Hunting. I will certainly appreciate any wisdom or guidance you can share. I am a minister who ministers to congregations and was widowed several years ago.
1. I’ve pretty much stopped going to singles group functions. I think you are right when you say that they are not very productive except if they are organized around a specific activity. However, I am not aware of any such activity focused singles groups. I’d appreciate any other ideas you have.
2. I wonder if you have any more ideas about friends who introduce me to other people. I’m thinking if I had at least some previous contact with the person I’m being hooked up with, it would be nice, but I’m wondering about a “blind date” without having met the person before. One thing that worries me is that if I really don’t pick someone that a friend has arranged for me, that could jeopardize the friendship. I’m thinking it would be a little different than running into someone at a friend’s party and asking the friend about that person’s availability. But if a friend goes to great lengths to set up a date, it’s a huge investment on his part. I welcome any ideas you have on this.
3. I really like the idea of getting involved in certain activities that I would enjoy anyway, and then meeting various people in the group. You probably know the answer to this, but these things take time. I certainly know the reality that you need to dedicate time to the goal you want to achieve, but I wonder if you have any other particular ideas about it.
4. On an ongoing basis, I receive invitations to speak to various groups of caregivers and trainers. These invitations come both from the nearby area and from all over the country. I wonder if these would be good opportunities to meet people. Sometimes these invitations to speak also have a social moment like dinner or even parties. Most of the time it is about couples, but there are also occasions when single women are also present.
In the past, when I have received invitations to speak in other cities, which are usually to individual congregations, I have not accepted them because it has been much better to use my time to speak to larger groups representing many congregations. But if my goal is to meet people and have social connections, I’m thinking it would be nice to accept these invitations. For example, several months ago I preached and a couple of days later I spoke to a group of current and former ministers and leaders at a church in another city. Then last week I got a note inviting me to a potluck they’re having next month. I will definitely go. I know you said something in your book about not missing out on a party.
5. I think my number one challenge right now is meeting people. Part of it has to do with my schedule, part of it was the fact that I had settled into a fairly comfortable life of work, family, and my late wife arranging all sorts of social things. But this is something I do want to do something about.
Dear reader:
I’m sorry for your loss, and I think it’s the right time for you to find a partner. I think you’re right, that the air of desperation in singles groups pretty much precludes getting to know someone in a productive way. Since you are in ministry, I believe that concentrating on church-related social activities will be your source of success.
If your friends want you to meet someone, suggest they take her to a church activity where you’ll be or invite you to dinner or a party. Blind dates are for teens, not your age group. You want to meet new women in a group setting, where you can chat, but not feel committed to anything until you’re interested. The key is to find something that allows you to see people repeatedly, so you can get to know them before settling on a likely lady.
Yes, this is a good opportunity, especially those in your area. If this potluck is a regular thing, try going multiple times. If you let the churches make the arrangements, inviting you to dinners and potlucks, I’m sure you’ll find someone. You’ve done your grievance work, you know what relationships are like, and your goals are realistic. It takes some time to meet enough people to find the one you’re looking for, but I’m sure you will. How To Be Happy Partners – Working It Out Together will help you understand how to find someone you can really succeed with. The guidelines for a successful date will also help you with this new venture. I wish you the best of luck.