After more than 20 years of formal international research on the topic of younger men dating older women, I see that the trend for Cougar dating is changing. I’m excited to see that the last barrier to male / female relationships finally dissolves and it seeks its own level toward permanence. There are still older women who want a child’s toy or an untethered relationship. They may be permanently fed up with looking for something long term, they don’t want to remarry, and they enjoy the freedom of having a friend with benefits where the drama is limited or zero. And that’s okay. As I often say on my Cougar dating site, “There is a lid for every pot.” But what I’m noticing and hearing from both men and women on my site is that younger men who are not “thrill seekers” or inexperienced in Cougar dating and women who have had positive experiences dating men more Young and do not want to go back to date men their age or older they are looking for something more lasting, meaningful and, dare I say it? Permanent.
Yes, my site statistics show that around 90% of women seek love and perhaps even marriage with a younger man. The BBC reported in a documentary that 25% of our neighbors across the pond are happily married to younger men. 30% of older women are open to dating younger men in the United States. Although there are many newcomers to cougar dating, 45% of women who have dated younger men before and do not plan to date men their age or older. I’m finding that older Cubs, primarily mature young men in their 20s and 30s or older, are interested in long-term relationships, especially if they have previously dated or been married to older women. Children’s toys (which is what I call the “serial players” tend to be men in their mid-18s and even late 20s who have no experience with women, working under what I have called “The Myth of Stiffler’s mom “or thrill seekers). with as many women as they can be prey. Yes Virginia, 30 year old male virgins exist, and many of them are looking for an older woman to teach them. The interesting thing is that once they experience a balanced relationship with an older woman, they are much less likely to suffer from the immaturity, selfishness, and lack of life experience of a girl their age or younger. This is when many Boy Toys become devoted to Cougar dating. As a young Atlanta cub told me, “I wasn’t looking for love. I wanted to hunt as many cougars as I could and just have fun. And then I met this wonderful woman from New York.” He is totally in love; and not great love? He went from wanting to work his way up the age ladder to falling head over heels with his wife Cougar. I love it when people meet and, as I often say, “there is a lid for every pot”.
As cougar dating is becoming more common in the United States, more and more women are coming out of the closet. I see more women from the Midwest and Southern states joining the site this year over the past year, when most of the members were from larger cities like Los Angeles. The UK and Canada have historically been “out” and it will be difficult to find someone who has not heard the term “cougar”. Hate it or love it, it’s here to stay, which is why women are starting to embrace it and define it for themselves. It is losing its derogatory connotation and men are discovering that there is no “one size fits all” Cougar. As leopard print myths, female predator gives way to soccer moms, secretaries, bank tellers, lawyers, everyday woman replaces adolescent male fantasy, and women are more comfortable staring at men. 7 years or more younger than them and saying, “Why not?” And more and more young men tell me that they are falling in love with their Cougar women.
The integration of cougar dating is leading to global acceptance of this intergenerational dating trend; a trend that is here to stay. My members are coming out with their friends and family. Actuaries will even agree that statistically speaking it makes sense for an older woman to meet, date, date, and marry a younger man. I recently spoke with a Harvard-trained retired physician who told me that biologically it made the most sense for a woman in her prime to date and marry a man in his prime. Women enjoy being with a man who is caring, loving, energetic, vital, protective, fun, and with less baggage than their older male counterpart. Men love being with a woman who is loving, mature, has a perspective on life, knows what she wants, is not needy, insecure, or superficial. The pots have found their lids. The lids have found their pots!
It’s just a natural transition and an easy look at the Cougar crystal ball to see the obvious – there will be more Cougar and Cub relationships and marriages in the long run just around the corner. Thrill seekers, however, don’t need to apply.