We all know that people act differently in stressful situations, some people rise to the occasion and some don’t. Why is it that when faced with danger some people act without hesitation even though they know they are likely to die? Then there are others who will assume a fetal position and do nothing but beg for their own lives with no regard for others. On September 11, 2001, only 3 of the 33 non-terrorist passengers on United Airlines Flight 93 decided to fight. What makes men like those on Flight 93 step forward to save the lives of others knowing they will undoubtedly lose theirs? I’m sure most people reading this will say they would have done the same thing, but is that true? The truth is, most of us would like to think we’d be the ones who could muster the strength to spit death or the possibility of it in his face, but most of us don’t know that. Honestly ask yourself, “Can I show courage? Can I put myself in danger to defend my family or others should such a situation arise?” Most people want to have the courage to be that person, but how do you know if you are? Is there any way to know? The truth is, there really is no way to know with 100% certainty.
People who have shown a propensity for this type of heroic behavior in the past are more likely to do so in the future, but again there is no guarantee. Those who have shown a lack of courage are the most likely to repeat it. If Flight 93 is any indication of the number of people who would actually fight, that’s only the 11% who had the courage to do so. What distinguishes these people who would give the last thing for others from those who prefer to cover their eyes and hope it goes away? One of the main reasons these people can do these things is simply education. Having this type of behavior instilled in them by their parents and trained that this is the way of thinking is what gives them this ability.
Clearly, the problem is fear and for good reason. As humans we have a natural survival instinct and walking away or running away from danger is not a bad thing, after all the best way to win a fight is to not get into one. If the situation is such that the only way you or a loved one can survive is for you to take action and you refuse to do so out of fear, then there is a problem.
Some therapists have suggested that this fight-or-flight behavior or instinct was helpful when we used to have to survive in a world where a T-Rex might be just around the corner, but now it’s a bad thing and should go away from being human. Psyche. Perhaps they think it would have been better if those few men on Flight 93 had sat quietly in their seats as they flew to their deaths and their intended goal of the capital. We have this instinct for a reason, and while we may not be running from dinosaurs like our ancestors did, there are still plenty of dangers out there, from gang violence to terrorists with guns. So the question remains how do we ensure that we are one of those people who can manifest the courage to put themselves at risk for the good of others?
As I said before, clearly the problem is fear, and while there may not be an app for that, there is a way to fix it. Let me first clarify that this is in no way a mental disorder and does not require a visit to some type of mental health specialist. However, there is a therapy that is used by mental health professionals called cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT. CBT is used to treat disorders such as PTSD, phobias, depression, and addiction. Unlike other types of therapies that seem to never end, this one is very short, usually between 6 and 12 months, and it is effective. For this to work, you first have to want to be that person who stands up to fight. Like the individual who was instilled with this readiness to defend, others have been instilled with the instinct to hide and we may not even realize it. This means that whether or not you think you would stand up and fight, this would be good practice. As I mentioned earlier, this is clearly a fear, and as with all fears, it is our thoughts or thought patterns that end up affecting our behaviors. For example, if we board a plane and all we can think about is crashing or running out of gas, we will inculcate a fear of flying. So obviously if we get on that plane and all we can think about is how much fun we’re going to have when we get to our destination or how great the view is, we’re going to enjoy flying. That means that the first thing you have to realize is what are those thoughts or beliefs that contribute to you not wanting to face those fears. So you want to know how your thoughts, feelings, or even the situation affect your behaviors. This can be difficult because you really need to be able to examine your own thoughts and feelings. What are you really thinking? Many times when a therapist asks someone what he is thinking, much of what he is really thinking is left out.
When or if you identify those thoughts, you can begin to practice new coping skills, thoughts, or rehearse how you will act in this type of situation. Journaling and role-playing are good tools to help redirect your thinking. In essence you are instilling or training yourself to be that selfless person who risks your life for others. If you are one of those people who knows that you are not capable, remember that this is a process.