I was over the hill, overweight, and late to get married, according to my mother, who had taken it as a personal failure that her oldest daughter had not found a mate despite her valiant efforts. And, bless her, he had tried everything. When I was eighteen and had good fertile hips, she was looking for a doctor. When I was twenty-five years old and dancing in bars with my friends, she was looking for someone to hire. When I was thirty and had a double chin, the only thing that mattered to him was that he had a pulse. But despite my mother’s tears and predictions that I was destined for a life of screaming at my soaps in a cardigan and slippers surrounded by cats, I found my prince charming, and before he opened the ring box My mother had asked for invitations, tasted three cakes, and hired the band.

We wanted a little backyard wedding with a couple of friends. My mother translated that to “big band, open bar, forty-six showers and an ice sculpture of dolphins kissing.” There was a wedding to plan, gosh, and I was lucky enough to be consulted.

Six weeks and twenty-four arguments later, the wedding was called off. Surprisingly, it’s not my mother’s fault. My Prince Charming’s mother had a serious health problem and she went from spring in her wake to we’re not sure how old she is, in a matter of days. It is difficult to plan a wedding when your husband is losing his mother and his father is losing his best friend. We wanted to get married, we didn’t want to wait, and we wanted her parents to be there. There seemed to be only one option: bring the wedding to her. Period. End of discussion.

I won’t bore you with the details, the lost refunds, the wedding invitations turned to scrap paper, the feedback I received from sixteen bridesmaids who were horrified that we lived in a world where a bride would have to make such a sacrifice. in the greatest event of his life. Your special day. I won’t tell you what kind of stress comes with trying to plan a last minute wedding three states away. I won’t tell you how difficult it is to find a church, a preacher, and a restaurant with tables within walking distance of the hospital. I will not tell you what it was like to know three days before the event that her mother was worse and could not leave the hospital and now she could not come to the wedding that had moved just for her. . I will not tell you the panic that came over them when we quickly arranged a wedding ceremony to be held in the lobby of the hospital.

I can’t tell you how many nurses it took to do her hair and makeup. I’ll tell you how many rules were broken when we turned her hospital room into the bride’s dressing room. You can laugh at the image of me running through the hospital corridors in my full-length white wedding dress and veil to pick up the shoes I left in the car, while the photographer takes photos and tries not to trip over the stretchers.

I don’t remember what it felt like to have no bridesmaids, or what it felt like when soft music was replaced by intercoms to call the doctors. I don’t remember it feeling like a conference room. I remember looking outside and seeing his mother holding his father’s hand. I remember seeing the nurses I had never met crying in the back row. It was the happiest moment of my life. My smile could be seen from a mile away. It was still my day. My family was there, his family was there, some families that I did not recognize were there, and I am convinced that although there were no stained glass windows, God was also there. My Prince Charming’s mother is gone and his father left this land shortly after. I will never regret our decision.

I tell you this story, not to encourage you to cancel your dreams, but to give you some advice as you launch into one of the best days of your life, or any dream for that matter. Know that there will be things that will go wrong that are out of your control. Accept it and analyze it from the beginning knowing what is really important. Lower your expectations. I’m not saying change your plans, just your reaction when things don’t go the way you planned. Remember who you are trying to please so that you don’t look back and regret planning this dream for someone else. And keep your sense of humor. You will be stressed no matter what. Your sense of humor will keep you sane. And remember that life doesn’t always promise happily ever after. Or maybe yes, and you just have to know where to look.

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